Labour MP says something sensible!

And it isn't Frank Field!

Having slated the Mail, I now have to praise it for publishing this article by Tom Harris, in which he argues that Labour need to tackle the culture of welfare dependency.

I know the Mail often spouts bollocks, but this is worth a read. In particular, he acknowledges that Tosser Blair fired Frank Field for 'thinking the unthinkable [but sensible]'. Perhaps another mea culpa for Blair to acknowledge, in addition to his admission that Labour got lucky on the economy (i.e. unlike Brown's 'scorched earth' policy, Ken Clark actually gave a shit about our standard of living - even if he's a cunt who wants the UK to be run from Brussels)...

I don't expect Cameron to sort out the economy; nor do I expect him to do what's needed with the welfare state (and that includes education and the NHS). But part of me - foolishly, I know - hopes that I'm wrong.

We need another Thatcher. Who will stand up and be counted?

Lord Ahmed the Cunt

Well, I can't believe it.

Lord Ahmed got six weeks (after parole) in a cushy four star hotel prison.

It's outrageous! I expected him to get a fully suspended sentence. After all, he's a Labour Lord - and a Muslim! They're not subject to English law - especially when it's just a white man they've killed.

Still, at least his cunt, arsehole, dhimmi wanker, gobshite, turd of the highest order lawyer has appealed against this outrageously long sentence.

I mean, they can 'prove' that his use of a cellphone had nothing to do with the crash. I don't know how, but I believe Lord Ahmed over anyone else. Actually, it's obvious that the texting had nothing to do with the crash. After all, if you're driving at 60mph, you could never see far enough ahead on a straight road in order to stop in time. [Note to Lord A: I take it I now won't be getting a visit from 10,000 of your friends? Cheers! I mean, thanks - no, I don't drink, I mean that isn't allowed anymore.]


I hope that family members of the judge in question die in similar circumstances. Let's see if he then considers a 6 week sentence to represent 'justice'. Cunt.

Until we elect district attorneys in this country and set tougher minimum sentences, we will never get rid of the bleeding heart, Guardian-reading cunts who are responsible for this kind of nonsense.

Letter to the Stasi

Dear Jacqui,

Forgive me for writing to you twice - I felt that it was important to write to you at both of your addresses, as it is not clear to me which is your main residence.

Following the recent decision to bar Geert Wilders from the UK, I felt it necessary to warn you of the risks of creating disturbances in other communities of certain Government actions. Clearly, on receipt of this information, you will feel compelled to act, as you have done following Lord Ahmed's intervention in the Wilders case.

First, any decision to allow any Muslim preacher into the UK will result in a delegation of at least 10,000 Christians, Hindus, Jews, agnostics, atheists and Jedi marching on whichever of your addresses you are at at the time. I therefore respectfully request that you do not allow any Muslim preachers into the UK.

Second, any decision of Gordon Brown not to resign and call an immediate election will result in the same delegation marching on Downing St. Again, I therefore respectfully suggest that the Prime Mentalist resign forthwith, with a general election to follow immediately.

Third, any decision not to tell the European Court of Human 'Rights' to go forth and multiply over the case of Abu Qatada, and a failure to deport him immediately will result in the same delegation marching on the prison where he is being held and holding an impromptu hanging, with similar sized delegations (for similar purposes) marching on the Home Office and both of your residences.

Fourth, failure to prosecute members of the Labour Party for outright fraud (most notably yourself, the Cooper-Balls household, Ken Livingstone, Lee Jasper, members of the House of Lords who have been taking bribes in return for amending laws - in fact, the list seems to be endless) will result in a similar delegation marching on Parliament.

Yours faithfully,


Bishop Brennan

PS I have just been told that the right to march on Parliament and break the law is one that is reserved solely for Muslims, with additional rights reserved for those who have killed someone by reading / sending text messages whilst driving. Apologies for my error in believing that all UK citizens were equal before the law.

The rise of the pleblic*

*Term coined by The Filthy Smoker, commenting on Devil's Kitchen.

Well, the signs have been there for some time... England's white, 'working' classes are rising up in support of 'British jobs for British workers'.

And, whilst Mandy Pandy tries to stand up for Free Trade and against protectionism (as, to be fair, he did in Brussels, pissing off the French - well, the man can't be all bad!), the reality is that it is his party, the Prime Mentalist that he is supporting, the economic policy which he has supported all along, the EU policy which he has helped implement as well as supported, the adoption of an effective open border policy to immigrants and the rejection of policies to reduce the power of trade unions that are responsible for the rising tide of union action that we're seeing now.

Frank Field - one of the few Labour MPs that I have any time for - writes today about the consequences of the open doors policy in particular - and the stupidity of the 'British jobs for British workers' soundbite that the Great Gobshite in Downing St used a few months ago. Whilst the article is flawed - not least in its call for Splash Gordon to actually adopt a position of British jobs for British workers - it shows the sheer alarm in the Labour Party about the loss of their core supporters and the concommitant rise of the BNP - Labour voters are switching to them, illustrating that they are a left-wing party, not a right-wing one, no matter what idiots on Liberal Conspiracy try to claim...

But is it the 'white, working class' who should be angry - or those of us who have seen our taxes pissed down the toilet (strange and incongruous, I know, given this week's stories that suggest that Gordo can't actually manage to get to the toilet...) by this useless, ideologically-driven Government? Note - they're not just incompetent. They are deliberately fucking our country up.

One example: schools. Because they can't even get schools to teach our kids to read, write and count, they've given up. Instead, schools are to become a core part of 'children's services' policies to tackle 'inequality' - not, as Grammar schools used to, by teaching them useful skills and knowledge, but by telling them that it's not their fault if they don't learn... even if it's because they're fucking lazy bastards. Don't believe me? Have a look at 21st Century Schools: A World-Class Education for Every Child / A School Report Card. It simply beggars belief.

And some people actually thought Brown would be better than Blair. Although, to be fair (and to borrow a phrase), this isn't Brown, it's Balls.

Not enough for you? How about this from Thursday's Times:

There have been intense discussions on Labour’s National Executive Committee about how to help the 4.5 million people waiting for social housing and to get the construction industry back to work, The Times has learnt.

Now, how the fuck, after a boom lasting 15 years or so, are there 4.5 million people on the waiting list for social housing?! Are there that many useless Brits? Probably... Or is it that we have imported 4.5 million people from Poland, Ukraine, Brazil, Pakistan, Nigeria, etc. - well, they all seem to live near me, in my rapidly-depreciating tiny flat in Chav-ville. But weren't we told that these people were generating an economic benefit? So it 'can't' be them!

And what about our wonderfully generous benefits system - generous, that is, to frauds, cheats, liars and other scumbugs (strange that this also fits the description of most members of Parliament...), but not if you are old and need social care, having paid taxes for others' care throughout your working life. Or you've become unemployed in your 50s, after paying taxes all your working life. Just have a look at Ms Snuffy's, errr, heart-warming modern day story about a benefits scam, albeit one perpetrated by an Indian family, rather than by white trash.

So, I ask. What have the striking twats got to strike about?

- They largely voted for this Government of all the Gobshites - or at least funded it, given their membership of Trade Unions like Unite.
- It is the middle classes that are paying for them and their families. The 'poor' cheat the benefits system and / or don't earn enough, whilst the truly rich can get around paying tax. The sods in the middle get (financially) fisted by Gay Gordon and his merry band of cunts.
- They've priced themselves out of the labour market by demanding wages and benefits (wages in all but name) which are out of kilter with their productivity.

It is people like me, who've been paying for all this shite - and will pay for it in the future (although I can move abroad and escape) - who should be going on strike and protesting in the street. Not BNP-voting muppets who believed that Gordon the Moron was some kind of economic genius...

Fake charities

An eagle-eyed reader may have noticed that Devil's Kitchen has launched the fakecharities.org website, after yet another 'charity' was revealed to be nothing of the sort, but rather a front for the Government to claim popular support for imposing yet more illiberal legislation on us.

Like the Devil, I am thoroughly pissed-off with this state of affairs - it's bad enough that businesses do this (see, e.g. The Truth About Drug Companies for examples of how Big Pharma uses charities to persuade the sheeple to lobby for ineffective drugs, like Herceptin for early stage breast cancer). But now the illiberal cunts in Government are using the same dirty tricks, cunts that they are.

So I have volunteered to help this noble cause. And I urge you to do the same.

My first contribution: some FoI requests:

To: info@dcsf.gsi.gov.uk

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing to make a request under the Freedom of Information Act.

I would be grateful if you could let me know which charities received funding from the DCSF and its agencies:

- In 2008; and
- In 2007.

Yours sincerely,


Paul Brennan

To: dhmail@dh.gsi.gov.uk

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing to make a request under the Freedom of Information Act.

I would be grateful if you could let me know which charities received funding from the Department of Health and its agencies:

- In 2008; and
- In 2007.

Yours sincerely,


Paul Brennan

And:

To: public.enquiries@homeoffice.gsi.gov.uk

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing to make a request under the Freedom of Information Act.

I would be grateful if you could let me know which charities received funding from the Home Office and its agencies:

- In 2008; and
- In 2007.

Yours sincerely,


Paul Brennan

Etc........

Let's see if the cunts respond with some answers, or dodgy excuses... Not holding my breath...


PS I see the Devil is talking about the alcohol 'limits' which some 'scientists' invented in the 1980s, and which Government uses 'charities' - and dumbass 'liberal' democrat MPs - to promote. Did you know that they also made up '5 a day' - apparently, it's actually 3 a day.

Update: All Depts have promised to respond within 20 days, other than HM Treasury...

Oh. My. God.

As you probably know, the Devil already has a blog. But, in that case, it's clearly not the Devil in the evil - Satanic, Beelzebub - sense

Now, however - via one of DK's Anonymous disciples - it seems that Satan - the real one - has learned the art of seeking to spread his poison online.

Some of you may remember Rory Bremner's avatar of Peter Mandelson on his C4 show (well, C4 has to be useful for something...). I thought it was funny.

Now I'm not so sure...

Is nowhere safe from these bastards?

Citizens of Second Life - prepare yourselves for:

• Eye-watering levels of virtual taxation and government debt
• Monitoring of all your online activities.
• Harriet Harman stopping any sexual fantasies (unless they involve ugly women only)
• Virtual imprisonment / hanging for smoking or speeding offences; rewards for committing anything previously regarded as criminal
  
• 'Losing' your data so that it can be used by criminals
• A financial crisis that 'began in America' but hits the UK worse than anywhere else, for reasons that can't be explained, other than by some vague reference to potential other governments being 'do-nothing' organisations
  
• Gulags for anyone that doesn't repeat, parrot-style, everything that the Mandelson avatar says
• A Second Life Broadcasting Corporation - funded by compulsory taxation - which features such 'balanced' reporters as 'Toilets' Macguire and 'Toenails' Robinson
• Free inside information for a Robert Peston avatar
  
• All-in-all, a virtual USSR - a model for the UK if Labour win the next election.
  

Is it possible to have a virtual revolution? Are there any Second-Lifers who would volunteer to lead it - and treat the Mandelson avatar to Bolshevik-style retribution?

Please, God - what did we do? :-(

The bishop is back... and angry as ever!

Dear Reader

Apologies for the absence of posts recently - I've been enjoying a (well-earned?) holiday.

I gather that I'm not the only one... Mandy Pandy has apparently been spotted in Marrakech (incidentally, not his first time there...). Some of Guido's co-conspirators have even suggested that he might have been enjoying some of the, ahem, adult entertainment that Marrakech offers.

Well, clearly the Bishop isn't in a position to judge the truth of the matter - nor, as a libertarian, does he care if Mandy or anyone else indulges in such activities, provided they involve consenting adults. But, if this was what Mandy was doing, and given Harriet Harperson's Jacqui Smith's new law which will insist that clients check prostitutes' ages and that they aren't trafficked, perhaps Mandy could let us know whether he took similar precautions in North Africa, and how he ensured that he was told the truth?

Or, as anyone outside the Labour Party knows, will the legislation not work? There was an excellent article by Hannah Fletcher and Claudia Fromme in the Times on this, back in November. In particular, it points to experience in Finland, where, 'Since [similar] legislation came into effect, there has not been one single prosecution', because it is impossible to prove 'beyond reasonable doubt' that a client knew that a prostitute was trafficked.

Perhaps this is all part of Labour's ongoing attempts to turn England into a police state? The failure of the legislation will mean that 'beyond reasonable doubt', the backbone of a fair and just legal system for centuries, will be changed - no doubt, to 'if you support Labour, you're a victim and we'll pay you vast amounts of taxpayers' money, and, if not, you're an evil criminal who doesn't understand social justice, and we'll send you to the gulag'.

Perhaps the Prime Mentalist is more like Stalin than Mr Bean, after all?

Getting back to the subject in hand, I think it is worth reflecting on some of what the article says in detail...

When Richard Gere picked up Julia Roberts in his Lotus Esprit in Pretty Woman, it was the start of a great Hollywood romance. The classic prostitute with a heart of gold, she was transformed almost instantly into a glamous sex kitten, equally at home shopping on Rodeo Drive, decorating his arm at the opera in San Francisco or stamping the divots at a polo match. And, of course, there was a fairytale ending in which the corporate prince rescued the fair maiden as she promised to “rescue him right back”.

But if an English Gere — perhaps a hedge-fund manager trying to find Notting Hill in the dark — attempted a similar stunt in the brave new world of Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, he wouldn't be handing out strawberries in the hotel penthouse but having his mugshot taken at the nearest police station.

Well, yeah. I mean, does anyone seriously think that prostitution is glamorous? Pretty Woman is a shit film, and hardly compares to reality (for a start, Richard Gere [edited for legal purposes! ;-)]). Seriously... (I guess they had to do this, as such sensationalisation seems to be a requirment even for broadsheet journalists these days... But forgive them - the rest of the article is unusually balanced and fair).

Andy Hayman, former assistant commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, thinks that the new proposals are ludicrous. “The police have so many other priorities, such as knife crime,” he says. “They don't want to hound prostitutes who obviously need the money, or their clients, unless they are causing serious problems.

“What these women need is help. Many of them are drug addicts or behind with their rent; they already have criminal convictions so they can't find another job. They don't need to be forced farther underground. Most are already very co-operative, and they are great informers. Coppers will ignore this one.”

Wow! The police being sensible? Perhaps Inspector Gadget despairs too much? Although it is an ex-copper talking... And they probably should go after the people traffickers....

"This is an disaster for many working women,” says Virginia (not her real name), who works in a sex parlour in southeast England that is run by a middle-aged couple. “These measures will make our jobs far more dangerous. The couple I work for are not pimps, they check my clients and make sure I'm safe. The sex between my client and myself is a consensual act.”

Nicky Adams, a spokeswoman (NB not 'spokesperson' - naughty, naughty!) for the English Collective of Prostitutes (NB note that 'union' seems to be a dirty word here - perhaps this explains Labour's hatred for them?), adds:

...prostitutes are now terrified of ending up with the most unscrupulous pimps. “All this will do is hound the decent parlour owners. The Government is trying to take the moral high ground but it's a low blow for women who are struggling to make ends meet, whether they are from Croydon or Croatia.”

But, as Harperson argues, isn't prostitution just, well, wrong? If women demean themselves by being prostitutes, why should we want them to be protected? After all, if we can get murder and rape figures up, then we can put all men (the raping bastards!) in prison and have a much better world! And we don't want any pretty Eastern European women here, showing how ugly many British women are! After all, how's a girl to get a girlfriend against that sort of competition?

If only women would simply look and dress like Harriet or our dear Jacqui (especially in her knife-proof vest, and with her protection squad, vital for any Labour Minister given what they've done to this country), then no man would want to fuck them! And then there would be no prostitution.

Except for rent boys in Marrakech, accessible only to senior Labour Ministers. Nothing wrong with that - after all, gay and Labour, now that's a minority group that deserves the full protection of the law...

First Predictions for 2009

Well, it's that time of year when we make foolish predictions about 2009. And they don't come much more foolish than those made by our friends at the Treasury - return to economic growth by the autumn, public borrowing of 'only' £120bn in fiscal year 2009/10 (excluding Northern Rock, Land Rover, etc., etc.....)...

And what of the likely reality? Well, here's a go...

1. With the UK economy going down the toilet, Brown calls early election on back of his bounce in the polls. Tories fail to provide proper alternative, saying that they won't cut spending to cut taxes and that 'rolling back the state isn't an option'. Muppets vote Brown back in.

2. Run on the Pound (even more than already) - how about £1 = 0.75 Euro?

3. UK can't refinance all of its debts as well as new borrowing. IMF called in.

4. UK economy completely fucked.

I think that about sums it up. Time for everyone who can to leave for the exit...

OR...

1. Cameron comes to his senses and makes the Tories a low tax party; or luck intervenes (seems more likely...) and the IMF are called in before Brown dares hold an election.

2. IMF forces 'savage' (all of 10%) cuts in UK spending in return for structural adjustment lending. Surprise, surprise - the sun doesn't fall out of the sky and the world goes on...


And this is the point. Although a recession will be painful - no foreign holidays for some (oh, the pain, the pain...) and no job for others (but they're in the private sector, so this is good news for our Labour Masters - more welfare clients...) - it may force the changes that the UK needs:

• It will be pretty easy to squeeze health spending by 10% - just cut the national tariff which determines prices. Together with wage freezes for the doctors who have done rather nicely under Labour (43% of additional health spending under Labour has gone on wage increases). Let's end the fiction of an NHS dental service (other countries leave it to the private sector - lightly regulated to prevent abuse of market power). A lot of public health spending can be cut without affecting health - e.g. anti-alcohol and 5-a-day campaigns.
  
• Cut down on wasteful spending. That means abolishing the Dept of Timewasting & Interfering (now called 'BERR' for some pathetic reason). It means no more 'lesbian co-ordinators' and the like, a ban on outside consultants being paid more than their civil service equivalents without specific sign-off by a Secretary of State (making them accountable for showing VfM) fewer special advisors, a hiring freeze across Whitehall and the rest of the public sector (with the exception of those who can show that they will generate cash savings, e.g. people who know how not to get ripped off buying IT services), wage cuts outside London to reflect the true difference in the cost of living rather than one that's made up, no more new furniture and IT kit at the end of the financial year, etc. And the House of Commons can show it's sharing the nation's pain by taking a 10% wage and allowance cut and losing its drinks subsidies. It's symbolic, y'know...
  
• All civil servants to be required to suggest a way of saving money in their area in order to receive a higher box marking, be eligible for future promotion and avoid a pay cut - we need to encourage a culture where efficiency is the norm, not the exception. Suggestions to be published, so that senior civil servants and Ministers can be held to account if they block their implementation.
  
• Abolish tax credits - whether for 'working families' (just cut taxes) or for R&D (ditto). Simplify tax system, introducing flat tax. Measures together will save billions in Revenue & Customs salaries, fraud / overpayment and firms having to spend much less on their tax returns.
  
• Scotland, Wales & Northern Ireland to receive same per capita spend as regions of England with equivalent levels of GDP per head. If they want more, they'll have to pay more tax. We can also save some money by reducing the number of MPs from those areas to reflect their population size and the fact that Gov't is devolved...
  
• Unilateral UK withdrawal from the Common Agricultural Policy, together with the concommitant cut in the UK's EU budget contributions. We gave up our rebate for nothing - now we'll get something. :-)
• Prison spending to be held steady - 2 at least to a cell (Human Rights Act to be disapplied to criminals), no more playstations, day trips for feral youths, etc. will fund new prison places.
  
• All existing Gov't funding for the Turd Sector / Charities to be ended. If they want to campaign against Gov't policies, they'll have to find private individuals to fund them. Those who want to implement (new, tougher) Gov't policy and can produce credible plans for doing so, can bid for funding against cr&p public sector authorities such as Haringey.
• DFID's budget to be cut. It's stupid for the UK to borrow money it can't afford to pay for corruption in the developing world. Spending that remains only to be given to countries that help themselves by adopting sensible policies. But as we're no longer in the CAP, they can export their farm produce to us without restriction (helping them and us - lower food prices for us, more secure markets for them).
• No national ID scheme (a bigger waste of money than David Bentley...). Olympics to be given to Paris.
• Education spending to be slightly cut by abolishing LEAs and ending nonsense like payments to students to do A levels. Vouchers to be introduced across the board to drive competition a la Sweden. I'm sure there's loads more that could be done - quality hasn't gone up with spending over the last decade...
  
• Defra and MoD to lose all industrial policy responsibilities and spending. No money to be directed towards the countryside over-and-above spending elsewhere - the cost of living is higher in cities, so why should taxpayers there subsidise those who live in the country?!
• Scrap RDAs - another complete waste of money.
• Police targets to be abolished. Local police chiefs elected - if they don't deliver real cuts in crime, they'll get voted out. All the bureaucracy introduced over the last 30 years to be at least halved.
  
• End welfare as a way of life (TM). Anyone that claims benefits fraudulently will lose entitlement to benefits permanently (and fuck anyone that says, 'but what about the chiiiiildreeeeeen?'). Anyone on benefits will not receive extra benefits for having more children. Nor extra housing. No-one under 25 to receive a council flat / house - that might encourage some responsibility... With tax thresholds massively increased, there will be no excuse not to work if you can - I don't care if that means cleaning the streets or public toilets (which are so disgusting that they can only be carrying large numbers of vacancies).
  

That's just a start. I bet everyone who works in the public sector can suggest many more.

But I needed to get it off my chest.

And 2009 may turn out to be not be so bad after all... but the start of something good.

Mandy Pandy off to see a Panda (again)?

The Bishop hears that Peter Mandelson is off to China again in February.

Perhaps he needs more supplies?

Lord Darzai had better prepare for another 3am call...

Recently (very) drunk...

The eagle-eyed will have noticed a new feature here on Craggy Island - the 'Recently Drunk' sidebar...

This is your humble Bishop's effort to stick two fingers (or one, if you're one of our American friends) up at the health fascists who have stuck posters all over the Metrocity metro telling us all that we drink too much.

These fuckers need to understand:

- I do a stressful job, working in the Diocesan Council with people utter cunts like Archbishop D'Inde, who are busy trying to fuck up the Diocese's investments.
- I have to travel on the Metrocity metro.... and the Metrocity above-ground
- Because my salary's shite - or, rather, I have to pay so much of it in tax - I have to live in Chav-ville, alongside the recipients of my generosity
- Who repay me by spending it on cheap cider, being violent, scaring the shit out of Mrs Brennan and anyone with half a brain, and then visiting Chav-ville A&E, where they are singularly unpleasant to the docs and nurses who try to help them.

And you fuckers have the nerve to tell me not to drink...

You should be grateful I don't shoot-up... the chavs' flats (actually, make that my flats, since I pay for them).

Now fuck off back to Guardian La-La Land, where everyone, darhling, has a BMW and a Tuscan Villa and lives in the nicer bits of Metrocity, and therefore can 'afford' to pay more tax...

Cunts.

Sharia latest

Oh joy! The muppet 'Justice' Minister and Lewisham MP, Bridget Prentice, has announced that Sharia courts can now have a formal role in part of the UK legal system - that relating to divorce.

Was Harriet Harperson consulted? Do Muslim women not count as women who have rights? Or do religious rights outweigh the right to be treated fairly in an open court?

Not that I'm saying that the UK's family court system is fair or anything - just one look at the Fathers for Justice website will at least raise questions... But I thought that Harperson's whole idea was to fuck men (obviously not literally!), not give them an advantage?

As Private Eye might put it, shurely shome mishtake?

Or have Muslim votes become so crucial to Labour that they will even abandon core principles? Perhaps rich fundamentalist Muslims have offered, in return for this nutcase legislation wonderful example of multiculturalism in action, to bankroll Labour's election campaigns - including Osama Bin Laden, say? Given their aim of creating a Caliphate which would include the UK, perhaps this is the most logical explanation?

What am I missing? Perhaps Bridget could tell us before she gets booted out at the next election (assuming no sudden influx of postal voting into Lewisham, that is...).

Lord Mandelson & his kidney stone

Guido had this amusing totally-unfunny story last week regarding a possible source of Lord Mandelson's kidney stone. [Warning: the PC amongst you won't like the header. So you can go fuck yourselves.]

However, the Bishop has discovered a more likely source.

Still, at least someone (Reinaldo?) will have got some pleasure from the event. Other than the entire population of the UK, that is.


BB

The curse of...

What do these three men have in common?

Well, there's the obvious, ahem, physical similarity...

But why is it that men with bushy eyebrows have ended up taking the flack for their predecessors' cock-ups? (OK, I suspect Healey deserved it, but... And anyone who is stupid enough to think Gordon Brown is their 'friend' and won't drop them in it, well...)

At least 'Storming' Norman didn't have to go to the IMF with a begging bowl... let's hope that Sam the Eagle doesn't end up in his own version of Life on Mars, circa 1976 (although it would be fucking funny... until it hit my standard of living)

Basically, this is a warning - if you have bushy eyebrows, trim them regularly! Mrs Brennan is getting the tweezers as I speak - I don't know whether to laugh or cry :(

No wonderTeresa Gorman replaced her eyebrows with tattoos...


BB

Rewards for failure

A little-noticed announcement from our friends at the Treasury....

Two failures successes from the Financial Services Authority have been appointed to its Board as non-executive directors!

Lady Callum McCarthy and Sir Deidre Hutton, Chairman and 'Deputy Chair' (though, judging from her picture, not even a very desperate person - well, unless they like the 'Butch' look - would want to sit on her....) of the FSA during the great success which is Northern Crock, are being rewarded for their failure by being appointed to the Treasury's Board (although I suppose that, given the way the economy is going, it may be more of a punishment than a reward...).

Now, Nick Macpherson - a Gordon Brown appointment - says that he is looking forward to working with them, and that they will bring 'extensive experience' to their roles. Well, he would have to say that, wouldn't he - he can't exactly say 'extensive experience of fucking up', can he? But it is reward for backing the Treasury is seeking to dump the blame for the Crock on the Bank of England, when in fact it was down to

a) The ill-thought through trilateral arrangements for banking regulation brought in by the great Snotgobbler himself [note that another Brown favourite (in the James I sense?), Tom Scholar, worked on the introduction of that regulation and has now been appointed as Managing Director of the Directorate overseeing the Crock (including a Board role on the Government's first nationalisation in God-only knows how many years)].

b) The FSA's inability to regulate its own bowel movements, yet alone the ex-Nat West fuckups who were running the Crock. They actually agreed to reduce its capital requirements a few months before it went bust, for fuck's sake! Not helped by the Treasury's decision to impose public sector pay controls and headcount reductions on an organisation whose best staff are regularly poached by banks at significantly higher salaries than those offered by the FSA.... Another triumph for Big Government! Hurrah!

I'm sure that Lady McCarthy and the 'deputy' chair (stool?) will add a lot of value...

Lord save us from the cretins that run our country...


BB

Update 27/08/08 : I see the good people at Private Eye have finally caught up with half the story. They should spend more time reading blogs...

A sign of things to come

Under 'New' Labour, where Sweden goes, the UK follows...

Gordon is known to be a fan of Sweden's social welfare system. So this story is quite alarming.

A little boy didn't invite two of his classmates to his birthday party - one because they weren't friends, the other because there was no reciprocal invitation.

Sounds fair enough? Bloody Hell, sounds pretty generous to me - can you imagine how expensive that is, particularly now that parties are no longer a piece of cake and a game of 'pass the parcel'.

Anyway, the school doesn't think so. Apparently, children have to invite all of their classmates to such a party, in case one of the little darlings gets so upset that they wreak a horrible revenge on 'society', e.g. getting a job as a civil servant or becoming an MP or Government Minister stabbing people, robbery, etc.

So, how has his been resolved? A quiet word from the class teacher? A short note home to the parents? A phone call from the Head?

Well, no. The school has complained to the Swedish Parliament!

And have they told her to sod off? Apparently not. What the fuck next? What the Hell is wrong with these socialist, nannying societies? And when is this going to be transplanted to the UK, now dominated by socialist, nannying twats like Harriet Harperson?

I can't wait - no doubt, when the Bishop's son doesn't want to invite one of his classmates round for tea, we will be prosecuted under the Human Rights Act, and forced to pay the kid compensation. No matter if the kid comes from a chav family, or is a bully or a thief.

What the fuck?


BB

I do hope Gordon...

isn't planning a visit to Germany soon.

Well, what else would they use them for? :)

Wanker of the Week

Well, there's a lot to choose from...

Wee Wendy
Tory MEPs
Lady Ian Blair

The obvious candidate is Robert Mugabe. But that would be too easy...

This will be controversial :), but Nelson Mandela is a good candidate - why can't he be straightforward and say that Mugabe is a cunt? Not in those words exactly (surely not from St. Nelson?!), but you know what I mean?

But he did at least say something vaguely critical...

Unlike this week's total and utter wanker, Thabo Mbeki.

How many people have to die in Zimbabwe, you total and utter cunt? Do you share Mugabe's twisted, racist views that 'white people and their "Uncle Tom" friends deserve what they're getting'? Do you want South Africa to go the same way? Why do you think so many Zimbabweans have fled to shit lives in your country, where they are threatened by thuggish South Africans (who don't have jobs because of your stupid labour market laws)?

Lest we forget, one of Mugabe's henchmen rejoices, yes rejoices, in the nickname 'Hitler'! If it wasn't so tragic....

Well, the Bishop, as you know, is not normally a fan of Trade Unions, but has to applaud Cosatu for not toeing the line of their ally Mr Mbeki and speaking the truth about Mugabe, and their members who have blocked Chinese shipments of arms, destined for Zimbabwe, from going through South African ports.

And even the next President, Jacob Zuma, who has been accused of rape and accepting bribes - and so is hardly morally impregnable - and worries some in South Africa (the Bishop does not necessarily accept the worst of these worries, and is reassured by some of Zuma's comments) about his likely approach to the Presidency, has vocally condemned Mugabe.

So, Mr Mbeki, when are you going to take action?

I'm sure that it makes no difference to him, but he is this week's Wanker of the Week by miles and miles. The Bishop feels physically sick that he once clapped Mr Mbeki at a speech :(

Europhiles rumbled!

Dear Reader,

Apologies for the light blogging recently - travel and Mrs B's demands for DIY around the house (despite the Bishop's, ahem, 'differently-abled' DIYing talents... :) have cut into the Bishop's blogging time.

The good news, however, is that the Bishop is able to catch up with things now...

First story: many of you may have noticed this recent gem on the (usually reliably Europhile) BBC website about wonky bananas and overly-bent cucumbers...

Hang on a second! Weren't these things supposed to be myths peddled by evil Eurosceptics?!

Well, no, apparently not. Indeed, it appears that our friends in Brussels have had time to determine the precise required geometry of particular fruits and legumes. For example,

"the difference between the smallest and largest aubergines in the same package must not exceed 20mm for elongated aubergines [and] 25mm for globus aubergines"

What the fuck?! Why do such regulations exist? Are shoppers really so stupid that they would allow themselves to be ripped off by supermarkets on things like this? What happened to caveat emptor?

The reality, as the Bishop has seen at the Diocesan Council, is that the more bureaucrats there are, the more that stupid laws will be created - when people are judged by what they do, and punished for doing nothing (even if it is the most sensible thing to do), who can blame them for doing it?

Nor is the claim in the above link that legislation on bananas was sought by the industry is no excuse. Given that companies are not normally big fans of extra legislation (because it means higher costs), the question that needs to be asked is why would they actually want more legislation. The answer, of course, is to squeeze out potential new entrants or increase costs for smaller competitors.... Again, another cost of too many civil servants is that it increases the number of people in positions of power that can be 'captured' by vested interests.

So, when Europhiles claim that 'there are actually very few civil servants in Brussels', I suggest you send them this post, and ask them to justify the waste of time, food (that gets thrown away) and resources (e.g. the significant pay of the Eurocrats involved, not to mention the costs of enforcing these stupid rules to taxpayers and consumers).

The answer is to follow the usual rule of thumb with regard to the EU, i.e. to tell them to go forth and preferably not multiply :)

What makes this even worse, as the Al-Beeb article makes clear, is that the stupid tossers in Brussels want to respond to the current 'Global Food Crisis' (a result of monstrous stupidities such as the Common Agricultural Policy) by adding even more bureaucracy to the mess:

'The Commission says misshapen fruit should be sold "with some sort of label for use in cooking"'

Well, that sounds like a sound basis for legislating! Perhaps we should ask the people who wrote the Dangerous Dogs Act to help in drafting it?

Suggestions in the comments about the definition of 'label' for the legislation would be most welcome... The Bishop will then forward them to Brussels, in a spirit of 'solidarity' with our 'fellow European serfs citizens'.


BB

Blows for Freedom

Friday the 13th - the Curse is Lifted! As Mrs T once said, Rejoice, Rejoice!

How proud the Irish should be*. After David Davis struck a first blow for freedom yesterday (on which I may blog later, although others have already done so wonderfully, particularly DK and Guido), another blow was struck today.

God willing, may these be the first of many!

*The Bishop should make it clear that he is half-Irish, but cannot claim any credit, as he failed to gain citizenship in time to vote. If those cunts in the Commission think they can try again to reverse a democratic verdict (as with Nice and Maastricht), I hope I will be joined by many in the UK who have been denied a vote by that lying sod Brown but are entitled to Irish citizenship in applying for it, and then voting for a 'No'...

The taste of Gordon Brown

No, this isn't a reference to his, or his wife's, dress sense...

In fact, it refers to Synaesthesia, a condition where people mix the senses, so that numbers have particular colours, or sounds carry particular smells (ahem, no flatulence jokes please...*).

According to the BBC, the President of the UK Synaesthesia Association, one James Wannerton, finds that words and sounds have a particular taste associated with them.

Note that the story's headline refers to the 'taste of George Bush' ('like the crusty potato bit on top of a cottage pie', which is transformed into the headline 'George Bush "like crusty potato"'), whilst the photograph illustrating the piece mentions that Gordon Brown 'tastes like Marmite'.

Now, the Bishop doesn't like to put the BBC down**, but the description of George Bush could be read as an - admittedly rather feeble - attempt to slag off the dear Pres of the good old U.S. of A. From the BBC? Surely not?! Just to make sure, shall we check to see what Mr Wannerton actually says about our beloved leader? Let's!

Gordon Brown leaves me with a very strong taste of dirt and Marmite, so he shouldn't count on getting my vote. [My emphasis]

Right. So the 'politically unbiased' and 'entirely neutral' BBC twists a comment about George W, whilst underplaying what Mr Wannerton says about Gordy, all because he didn't say that Gordy smells of roses, and therefore deserves to be elected life President. Hmmmm... remind me again why we pay a tax, I mean 'licence fee', for this drivel?

Enough about Al-Beeb.

Well, others have commented on Gordy's personal hygiene, so perhaps the 'strong taste of dirt' is unsurprising. Ditto for all those who, like the Bishop, think that Marmite is probably produced from another substance which is brown and sticky (Oooops! There's my Scatologicia again!).

Anyway, the Bishop would like to ask his Reader what other politicians (and even celebrities) might taste of - answers in the comments please. Here's a few to start off with:

Alistair Darling - a tasteless vegetable of some kind?
Patricia Hewitt - leaves a taste of carbolic soap in the mouth
Caroline Flint - cheap bubblegum?
M Sarkozy - cheese / garlic (no stereotypes there, then...)
Mme Sarkozy - caviar!
William Hague - Yorkshire bitter
David Cameron - toffee

You get the idea...

Prizes: the Bishop will say a few prayers for the winner at Sunday Mass.


*Mrs Brennan is always telling the Bishop that he lowers the tone of conversations at every opportunity. Unfortunately, as the Bishop keeps reminding her, he suffers from a condition known as 'Scatologicia', the inability to resist making a joke about anything related to the back passage. Like all modern Craggy Islanders with 'issues', the Bishop blames it on his parents.

** Actually, that statement contains about as much truth as the famed dossier on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction.