Letter to the Stasi

Dear Jacqui,

Forgive me for writing to you twice - I felt that it was important to write to you at both of your addresses, as it is not clear to me which is your main residence.

Following the recent decision to bar Geert Wilders from the UK, I felt it necessary to warn you of the risks of creating disturbances in other communities of certain Government actions. Clearly, on receipt of this information, you will feel compelled to act, as you have done following Lord Ahmed's intervention in the Wilders case.

First, any decision to allow any Muslim preacher into the UK will result in a delegation of at least 10,000 Christians, Hindus, Jews, agnostics, atheists and Jedi marching on whichever of your addresses you are at at the time. I therefore respectfully request that you do not allow any Muslim preachers into the UK.

Second, any decision of Gordon Brown not to resign and call an immediate election will result in the same delegation marching on Downing St. Again, I therefore respectfully suggest that the Prime Mentalist resign forthwith, with a general election to follow immediately.

Third, any decision not to tell the European Court of Human 'Rights' to go forth and multiply over the case of Abu Qatada, and a failure to deport him immediately will result in the same delegation marching on the prison where he is being held and holding an impromptu hanging, with similar sized delegations (for similar purposes) marching on the Home Office and both of your residences.

Fourth, failure to prosecute members of the Labour Party for outright fraud (most notably yourself, the Cooper-Balls household, Ken Livingstone, Lee Jasper, members of the House of Lords who have been taking bribes in return for amending laws - in fact, the list seems to be endless) will result in a similar delegation marching on Parliament.

Yours faithfully,


Bishop Brennan

PS I have just been told that the right to march on Parliament and break the law is one that is reserved solely for Muslims, with additional rights reserved for those who have killed someone by reading / sending text messages whilst driving. Apologies for my error in believing that all UK citizens were equal before the law.

Wanker of the Week

Back by popular demand...

And today's wanker is... Derek Draper.

Primarily for this post. Presumably, 'revenge' for Guido pointing out that he didn't go to Berkeley (even though it would have been an appropriate place for him...).

Derek - fuck off you tedious, totalitarian cunt. None of the comments you cite are racist - they simply reflect reality in Brown's Britain. But, of course, socialists have always shouted, 'Racist!' at anyone with whom they disagree.

But racist comments like 'British jobs for British workers' are, of course, OK if they are uttered by socialist cunts like Gordon the Moron.

Anyway, given that Guido has apparently deleted the non-racist comments, I'm more than happy for any reader to leave similar ones on this blog. As a reminder, this is the picture:



And, Derek, keep your totalitarian shit on LabourShite - there's no room for it in the rest of the blogosphere.

Honestly, you'd think he had better things to worry about, like his mental boss, who's taking the country down the toilet - or just shagging his wife (after all, we all know the risks of not keeping your spouse happy in bed...).

Wanker of the Week

Well, there are so many candidates, most of whom work for the BBC.

But sometimes it's important to go for the obvious one.

Peter Mandelson.

I feel the stench of corruption approaching just by typing his name...

Some leopards (in this case, snakes) and all that...

Just what is the UK's debt burden?

Fraser Nelson - amongst others - has pointed out some of the, ahem, allegedly dodgy accounting tricks employed by Gordon Brown and co to understate the level of UK Government debt relative to GDP.

The new 'series' is called 'National Debt excluding Northern Rock'. Quite what has happened to Bradford & Bingley, and what will happen with the latest acquisitions of shareholdings in the 'commanding heights' of the financial part of the economy, well, we can't be sure - 'Ratio of UK debt to GDP, excluding Government liabilities relating to banks, PFI, public sector pensions, Equitable Life, etc., etc.' perhaps?

In honour of the obviously honourable purpose of this new statistical 'series' - to show the true level of UK Government debt to GDP - the Bishop has resolved to create a new measure. I proudly present:

'The ratio of UK Government Debt to GDP if the UK had never suffered from Labour fuck-ups'

First, GDP without Labour fuck-ups:

- The UK wouldn't have wasted its Marshall Aid on building an unsustainable welfare state; instead, it would have rebuilt its industries, as the French and Germans did.
- No nationalisations of steel, coal, etc.
- No NHS
- No idiot Tony Benn in the Cabinet - fewer subsidies to BAe, etc.
- No commies in the Wilson government
- The Tories wouldn't have become socialists in the 40s-70s
- The miners' strike in the 70s would have been more like the one in the 80s
- The Trade Unions would have been told to fuck off earlier
- Taxes would have always been significantly lower
- Ken Clarke's spending plans would not have been followed by a splurge of public spending that mortgaged the future
- Etc.

UK GDP per capita, in short, would be closer to that of the top countries in the world.


Next, debt without Labour fuck-ups.

- No 'Chav' class of benefit-claiming, workshy scum: welfare would be confined to the genuinely needy - and would be generous to the disabled, etc.
- No costs of nationalising industries. But equally, no revenues from privatisation. Generously, let's say no cost for the utilities. But huge costs from support for coal, steel, shipyards, Leyland, etc.
- No need to go the IMF in the 1970s
- No need to spend North Sea oil revenues on restructuring the UK economy in the 1980s - so would have had huge surpluses, perhaps put into UK Sovereign Wealth Fund
- The Tories had concluded by 1997 that PFI didn't work - no mortgaging of the future from waste of money PFI schemes that cost, rather than save money
- No tax on pensions in 1997: not so much would rest on public pensions
- Public sector surplus from Ken Clarke policies would have been used to pay off all UK debt, and spending would have been matched to revenues
- No chickening out on the renegotiation of the Civil Service Pension Scheme in the last 10 years, hence public sector pensions would be more sustainable

So UK would have had no net debt going into the current recession. Hence zero debt / GDP. And with our US+ levels of wealth, half of the population would hardly be thinking of emigrating...


Clearly, this is re-writing history, and so is fictional... But hardly any more so than Gordon's latest debt 'series'. But there is a clear lesson:

Everyone who has ever voted Labour should be disqualified from voting, at least until they've paid off their 'fair' share (national debt / labour voters)...

Do you think Polly's villa in Tuscany will cover it?

Lord Mandelson & his kidney stone

Guido had this amusing totally-unfunny story last week regarding a possible source of Lord Mandelson's kidney stone. [Warning: the PC amongst you won't like the header. So you can go fuck yourselves.]

However, the Bishop has discovered a more likely source.

Still, at least someone (Reinaldo?) will have got some pleasure from the event. Other than the entire population of the UK, that is.


BB

Rewards for failure

A little-noticed announcement from our friends at the Treasury....

Two failures successes from the Financial Services Authority have been appointed to its Board as non-executive directors!

Lady Callum McCarthy and Sir Deidre Hutton, Chairman and 'Deputy Chair' (though, judging from her picture, not even a very desperate person - well, unless they like the 'Butch' look - would want to sit on her....) of the FSA during the great success which is Northern Crock, are being rewarded for their failure by being appointed to the Treasury's Board (although I suppose that, given the way the economy is going, it may be more of a punishment than a reward...).

Now, Nick Macpherson - a Gordon Brown appointment - says that he is looking forward to working with them, and that they will bring 'extensive experience' to their roles. Well, he would have to say that, wouldn't he - he can't exactly say 'extensive experience of fucking up', can he? But it is reward for backing the Treasury is seeking to dump the blame for the Crock on the Bank of England, when in fact it was down to

a) The ill-thought through trilateral arrangements for banking regulation brought in by the great Snotgobbler himself [note that another Brown favourite (in the James I sense?), Tom Scholar, worked on the introduction of that regulation and has now been appointed as Managing Director of the Directorate overseeing the Crock (including a Board role on the Government's first nationalisation in God-only knows how many years)].

b) The FSA's inability to regulate its own bowel movements, yet alone the ex-Nat West fuckups who were running the Crock. They actually agreed to reduce its capital requirements a few months before it went bust, for fuck's sake! Not helped by the Treasury's decision to impose public sector pay controls and headcount reductions on an organisation whose best staff are regularly poached by banks at significantly higher salaries than those offered by the FSA.... Another triumph for Big Government! Hurrah!

I'm sure that Lady McCarthy and the 'deputy' chair (stool?) will add a lot of value...

Lord save us from the cretins that run our country...


BB

Update 27/08/08 : I see the good people at Private Eye have finally caught up with half the story. They should spend more time reading blogs...

Pigs in Shit Special?

Whilst perusing Hansard recently (the wonderful life of a Diocesan Council bureaucrat! :), the Bishop noticed the lobbying efforts of Richard Bacon MP, on behalf of British pig farmers and pork products...

Does the editor of Hansard have a sense of humour? Or does Mr Bacon? The Bishop thinks we should be told...

Either way, the exchanges here demonstrate the ignorance of basic economics of our lords MPs and masters.... Don't expect any changes to the ludicrous CAP from the Tories...

Given the vested interests - and possible financial backing (must look up Mr Bacon's declaration of interests...) - behind this lobbying effort, perhaps this is a special example for Guido's 'Pigs in Shit' ratings system?

The Bishop has lost his appetite for British Bacon - I encourage you to buy Danish....


BB