Wanker of the Week

Is the improbably named 'James T Kirk', for the following comment on the BBC News' Have Your Say:

"In their 2005 manifesto New labour promised a referendum on whether or not to sign the Lisbon treaty."

No, it was on the EU constitution, not the Lisbon Treaty. Irrespective of that, Blair did that to ensure the French held a referendum which he believed (rightly) would reject the Constitution and enable Britain and other countries to renegotiate some of the more ambitious aspects and gain more opt outs. This was achieved with the result that Lisbon really is just a tidying up exercise.

Well, as much as I like Star Trek (alright, alright, stop sniggering at the back... :-), this 'James T Kirk' is an utter wanker. I mean, does anyone seriously buy this shit? Gordon 'Courage' Brown didn't hold a referendum because he was scared that he would lose. As the Meerkat says, 'Simples'...

Meanwhile, most (though not all) of those making comments show their general ignorance by attacking Free Trade. My favourite is this:

We need a bit of both [Free Trade and Protectionism!]. Exporting comes from reciprocity [NB A protectionist concept, much favoured by the French...], and we need to keep key domestic skills safe.

BUT the net result should be that we export a little more than we import.

Eventually that WILL solve our economic woes.

You just can't be a net importer and fund it by debt...as we have seen.

Gordon-Charisma Brown, Brownutopia, Republic of Tax, Spend and Waste.

As much as this person has obviously picked out Gordon the Moron's, ahem, 'qualities', the statement does suggest one slight mathematical problem: how can all countries export a little more than they import?!!! That means that we can't all follow this policy, which makes it unsustainable... that way lies the 1930s Depression, to which protectionism made no little contribution.

What these muppets need to get is some basic economics (and history) lessons:

- Some countries import more than they export. This deficit can be funded in a number of ways: borrowing, a transfer / sale of assets abroad / etc.

- This is not a problem! It's a good thing!

- If a country can no longer afford - or is perceived as no longer being able to afford - to do this, its currency tends to depreciate against those of others. This makes its imports more expensive, and its exports cheaper, allowing it to reduce / eliminate its trade deficit. [For the benefit of the likes of Mr Kirk, this is one reason why joining the Euro is a really dumb idea - just look at its impact on Italy, for example...]

- This is a natural part of the economic cycle... like recessions. You can't 'cure' a recession, as idiots like Brown seem to think. Of course, you can make them worse, by entering them with a structural fiscal deficit, built up during a boom... But who would be stupid enough to do something like that?!

Wanker of the Week

Back by popular demand...

And today's wanker is... Derek Draper.

Primarily for this post. Presumably, 'revenge' for Guido pointing out that he didn't go to Berkeley (even though it would have been an appropriate place for him...).

Derek - fuck off you tedious, totalitarian cunt. None of the comments you cite are racist - they simply reflect reality in Brown's Britain. But, of course, socialists have always shouted, 'Racist!' at anyone with whom they disagree.

But racist comments like 'British jobs for British workers' are, of course, OK if they are uttered by socialist cunts like Gordon the Moron.

Anyway, given that Guido has apparently deleted the non-racist comments, I'm more than happy for any reader to leave similar ones on this blog. As a reminder, this is the picture:



And, Derek, keep your totalitarian shit on LabourShite - there's no room for it in the rest of the blogosphere.

Honestly, you'd think he had better things to worry about, like his mental boss, who's taking the country down the toilet - or just shagging his wife (after all, we all know the risks of not keeping your spouse happy in bed...).

Wanker of the Week - Christmas special

Dear Reader,

A very belated Merry Christmas to you.

The Bishop had a wonderful family Christmas - made all the more wonderful by the news about Harold Pinto. I celebrated with a special bottle of communion wine from my friends at Ridge Wines. [And, no, I don't get paid to endorse them - they're just the best wines in the world, in my humble opinion.]

However, the Christmas day festivities were interrupted by a 'special' edition of Top of the Pops, which featured Leona Lewis mauling (given her Aslan-like looks - and, no, that wasn't intended as a compliment - a good choice of word, methinks) the wonderful Snow Patrol song, Run.

Now, the Bishop isn't particularly wivvit, innit when it comes to the X-Factor and other shite beamed into the Sheeple's living rooms, 1984-style, by ITV and the BBC (yet another reason to rip up my TV licence and tell them to fuck off, as if I needed one...). But I have not only heard Run being farted out by Leona Fat-Arse as previously mentioned, but also Leonard Cohen's wonderful Halleluja being vomited out by some other piece of choir-fodder, who, I am told, rejoices in the name 'Burke'. How appropriate.

Well, I could make these two transexual wannabes my joint Wankers of the Week. And it's not that they don't merit it - fame-hungry, money-grubbing chav-fodder that they are. It's just that, well...

There is a cunt of the highest order that has for many years produced this kind of junk music, aimed at teenage girls and their mothers / grandmothers, all in the name of making money. Not that there's anything wrong with making money. But the Bishop wouldn't choose to do so by trafficking women from Eastern Europe to work as prostitutes, say, or by selling weapons to Hugo Chavez. And crimes against music are - to these ears, at least - pretty much on a par with such reprehensible activities...

And his name is Simon Cowell. The man who gave us Sinitta and Grease is the word (where is the puking smiley when you need it? Ah... here - ).

And. He's. A. Cunt. A Christmas Wanker if ever I saw one.

So, Simon, go fuck yourself right up the arse with the longest bargepole in history. And when you die, I hope your own personal Hell is to be forced to listen to Sinitta et al for eternity. And that might, just might make us even.

In the meantime, I will give you a tiny taste - although probably not nearly as minuscule as your cock must be, given how you obsessed you are with fame, money and all that they bring at the expense of taste, family and love (what else would explain his sense of inadequacy?) - of what I think about you by making you the first Christmas Wanker of the Week.

Wanker of the Week

What kind of cunt thinks that a murderer is a hero, an icon, someone we should look up to?

Not many people are that stupid.

But those that are - well, they usually vote Labour... or their equivalents abroad.

And the Nameless Libertarian and the Devil have identified a particular arsehole of the species. The name's del Toro. Merda del Toro. Or, at least, that's what kids at school called him...

And he's a complete cunt. As are all the feeble-minded sheeple who wear 'Che' t-shirts. Or listen to the opinions of actors as if they are some breed of geniuses, simply because they pretend to be other people in films.

So, del Toro - you're my Wanker of the Week.

And you're joined by anyone that thinks that celebrities' opinions are somehow something that others should take notice of, just because they are celebrities. Yes, Gordon 'end of spin' Brown - that means you, too. Cunt.

Wanker of the Week

Well, it's been a while. And so many candidates!

- All BBC employees (as per every week - too easy)
- All civil servants (except that bloke at the Home Office who's been helping Damien Green. Do the others all support Gordon the Moron?!)
- Social workers from Haringey and wherever it is Oop North where Shannon Matthews lives
- Michael Martin

But the Bishop has decided not to target the usual suspects - at least, as left-wing 'liberals' (i.e. socialists - who are anything but liberal) would stereotype them.

...

Had you for a second!

Of course, it's Michael Martin.

Should never have been a Speaker - like his fellow Scottish MPs, he has no appreciation for the importance of Parliament to English freedoms. And he's too thick.

And no, I don't give a fuck about his background - his Catholicism (obviously...), his metal-bashing career (I bet he was shit at that too!), his trade-unionism (although that's usually a giveaway for stupidity and selfishness - nothing must ever change in case someone might have to change jobs), or even the fact that he joined a Party that has infantilised Scotland and now the rest of the UK, all in the name of staying in power for no apparent purpose other than to stick its collective snout in the trough.

He isn't up to the job. Simple. And if he had any shred of decency or honour, he would resign.

But he's a wanker who is addicted to the perks of power. And that's why he's my Wanker of the Week.

Wanker of the Week

Barack Obama.

Yes, the 'Barack-lash' has begun. Why, I hear you ask?

Well, first, the Bishop was never a great fan of the Saviour of the Universe(TM).

And now the socialist twat is proving the Bishop right. Via yesterday's FT:

- He is giving new powers to trade unions: what a great idea at a time when the US is going into recession, increasing the cost of employin people! That won't have any negative impact on the unemployment rate, will it?

- Not only is he intent on fucking up the US economy, he also wants to impose it on the rest of us too: he is already reinforcing his protectionist credentials...

[Note: sorry, I can't find the links - I read the stories in yesterday's (hangs head in shame) paper dead-tree FT]

I don't care if he's black, white, pink, green or any colour of the rainbow - he's a complete wanker. Fact.

Wanker of the Week

Well, there are so many candidates, most of whom work for the BBC.

But sometimes it's important to go for the obvious one.

Peter Mandelson.

I feel the stench of corruption approaching just by typing his name...

Some leopards (in this case, snakes) and all that...

A 'vast right-wing conspiracy'

Sonny Jim writes:

Extensive investigations on my part [Editor's note: 5 minutes on the internet] have revealed the source of the vast right-wing conspiracy in the blogosphere.

During the early 1980s, when many right-wing bloggers were growing up and/or taking the usual student interest in children's programmes after the totally shocking consumption of illicit substances (we liberals would never even dream of doing morally abhorant things like that), the Klu Klux Klan gained access to the airwaves via the BBC children's programme, Fingermouse. As a result of this, a large number of 'Thatcher's children' were indoctrinated with right-wing thinking.

Pictured above, a KKK member (left) and Fingermouse (right)

Now, having allegedly 'grown up', indoctrinated bloggers, such as Guido Fawkes and Devil's Kitchen, have been using their positions of influence in the blogosphere to propogate right-wing slurs, such as the utterly ludicrous claim that the Prime Minister is mentally ill.

Apart from being an appalling thing for any decent, caring person to say - it is not funny to make 'jokes' about serious medical afflictions, which affect 1/3 of people in this country at some point in their lives - it's almost as bad as when another vast right-wing conspiracy, this time in the United States, tried to claim that Bill Clinton was not faithful to his wife... errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........................

[Editor's note: At this point, Sonny Jim was forced to put down his orange crayon by some very nice people in white coats, and was taken back to his room, which is so comfortable that even its walls are lovely and soft...].

Wanker of the Week

Sunny Hundal. Nuff said.


BB

Wanker of the Week

Well, it's been a while - so time for another Wanker of the Week.

As usual, there are many candidates amongst the shits that contribute to the 'running' of this country, i.e. running it into the ground so far that, if we had any luck, we'd end up in Australia. Sadly, we seem more likely to end up in Afghanistan...

One potential candidate, although the Bishop confesses to a certain sympathy for him usually, is Boris. This is because of the Bishop's suspicions that Guido is right when he suggests that Boris has sacrificed his deputy who was in charge of reforming Transport for London (TfL), Tim Parker, to the truly evil fat commie bastard, Bob Crowe, Head of Politbureau 'leader' (I thought leaders required character and courage) of the RMT union that regularly holds London to ransom because of TfL management's refusal to wipe their members' arses after their each and every dump. [Does anyone remember Carry On At Your Convenience? Has 'Comrade' Bob based his career on it?]

But, it is clear to the Bishop that Bob Crowe is the truly worthy recipient of the, ahem, not at all prestigious Wanker of the Week award (indeed, the Bishop fears that the award may need to be retired, as the fucker should receive it nearly every week).

Bob Crowe - you are a cunt of the highest order. You think that it is legitimate to seek to overthrow the judgement of democratically-elected politicians by means of blackmail - by abusing your members' monopoly in transporting commuters, tourists, people that need to go to hospital, etc. around London. And impose your views - which make Stalin look like a moderate - on the rest of us. Well, you can go fuck yourself by impaling yourself through the arse on a sharpened flagpole.

And here's how we could really get Crowe to fuck off....

My regular reader will have noted the Bishop's praise for the Competition Commission, following its recent investigation of BAA (where - quelle surprise! - a union has been seeking to block reforms which will benefit consumers).

Well, unions like the RMT are just as guilty as monopolists in business of abuse of a dominant position in a market - so why shouldn't they be subject to the same investigatory and legal powers? The abuse has exactly the same effect.

And when the RMT responds with threats of blackmail strikes, Boris and/or the next Government (the Great Snotgobbler is hardly going to take on his paymasters, now, is he?) should have a plan in place. And that plan should take a leaf out of Reagan's book...

- Fire all the cunts that go on strike.
- Have pre-trained, in secret, a new group of non-unionised drivers / signal workers / etc. in the new EU states - paying them a wage that reflects what people with the appropriate qualifications in the private sector would earn: no more, no less (OK, maybe a premium for having to work underground) - to come and take over their work.
- Pass a new law that means that when public sector unions go on strike in a field where they provide a monopoly service, they have to provide a minimum level of service (as is required of transport workers in that well-known bastion of anti-unionism, France).

And then send that fat cunt Crowe to his paradise in North Korea. Cunt.

Of course, that would require Boris to use his cohones for something other than shagging Petr........


BB

Wanker of the Week

Well, there's a lot to choose from...

Wee Wendy
Tory MEPs
Lady Ian Blair

The obvious candidate is Robert Mugabe. But that would be too easy...

This will be controversial :), but Nelson Mandela is a good candidate - why can't he be straightforward and say that Mugabe is a cunt? Not in those words exactly (surely not from St. Nelson?!), but you know what I mean?

But he did at least say something vaguely critical...

Unlike this week's total and utter wanker, Thabo Mbeki.

How many people have to die in Zimbabwe, you total and utter cunt? Do you share Mugabe's twisted, racist views that 'white people and their "Uncle Tom" friends deserve what they're getting'? Do you want South Africa to go the same way? Why do you think so many Zimbabweans have fled to shit lives in your country, where they are threatened by thuggish South Africans (who don't have jobs because of your stupid labour market laws)?

Lest we forget, one of Mugabe's henchmen rejoices, yes rejoices, in the nickname 'Hitler'! If it wasn't so tragic....

Well, the Bishop, as you know, is not normally a fan of Trade Unions, but has to applaud Cosatu for not toeing the line of their ally Mr Mbeki and speaking the truth about Mugabe, and their members who have blocked Chinese shipments of arms, destined for Zimbabwe, from going through South African ports.

And even the next President, Jacob Zuma, who has been accused of rape and accepting bribes - and so is hardly morally impregnable - and worries some in South Africa (the Bishop does not necessarily accept the worst of these worries, and is reassured by some of Zuma's comments) about his likely approach to the Presidency, has vocally condemned Mugabe.

So, Mr Mbeki, when are you going to take action?

I'm sure that it makes no difference to him, but he is this week's Wanker of the Week by miles and miles. The Bishop feels physically sick that he once clapped Mr Mbeki at a speech :(

Wankers of the Century (Special Edition)

What do you think of Gordon and his new 'friends' in the Dumbass 'Democratic' Unionist Party (DUP)?

Personally, I think they are utter CUNTS.

These are the people that go on, at tedious length, about being 'British'.

Well, of course, as the Bishop has pointed out before, they are Scottish. And this might explain why they couldn't give a flying fuck about the British English values of freedom founded on Magna Carta. And they left Scotland before the great Scottish defenders of freedom - no, not William Wallace (who bore no relation to the crap personified by the Jew-hating Mel Gibson), but Adam Smith, JS Mill, etc.

And, as is traditional with Scots and the Scots in Northern Ireland, our wonderful leader has, no doubt, bunged even more English taxpayers' money at Northern Ireland in order to pass a vote to reduce our freedoms. Truly, could there ever be a truer example of a deal with the being that Ian Paisley actually worships (clue: it's no God of mine)?

Just to be clear, courtesy of our TV tax licence, here is a list of those who have betrayed you, me and the whole of the UK:

Gregory Campbell, Nigel Dodds, Jeffrey Donaldson, The Rev William McCrea, The Rev Ian Paisley, Iris Robinson, Peter Robinson, David Simpson, Sammy Wilson

Frankly, the word 'wanker' doesn't suffice for these morons. Not only do they have blood on their hands for the years of conflict in Northern Ireland that could have been solved if they had agreed to give Catholics civil rights. Now, they are likely to radicalise Muslims because of renewed internment (it was such a success in Northern Ireland, after all...), resulting in more murders of innocent people. Burning in Hell isn't good enough for them.

In a so-called democracy, when we have to rely on the House of Lords to protect us from this Government of scoundrels from internment and from an EU treaty which few in this country actually want, the Bishop is left wondering why he should bother to vote. But that's what they want - we need to vote these assholes out...


BB

Update: Martin Kelly has posted on this too. So, although we won't agree on the Scottish element of my comments, we do agree on some things! :) And the comments are worth reading too.

Wankers of the Week

Dear Readers (that is, if you haven't gone back to being 'Reader'...),

A very thoughtful post (as ever) by Snuffleupagus on the education system, how many teachers leave it very quickly after starting, and the sheer dishonesty of the Government's claims that education standards are rising.

This only demonstrates the point of the Bishop's previous post making the (admittedly, rather obvious, but still, sadly, necessary) point that throwing money at something is no solution.

Now, to be balanced (OK, so not something the Bishop is always accused of), it does appear that primary education has improved over the last 10 years, although the Bishop would attribute this to a focus on the basics of literacy and numeracy, rather than money (although primary teachers were pretty badly paid, at least in the South-East, and this did need improving). And this was after years of the answer being obvious - not a tribute to the Tories, but hardly one to the civil servants advising them.

But secondary and university education.... what the fuck? Will someone in what used to be known as the DfES, and is now known as the Dept for Cocksuckers, Socialists and Fascists (DCSF) and the Dept for Innovation, Universities and Skills (DIUS) fucking visit some schools and universities and grasp what is happening. [BTW, don't DCSF and DIUS sound like rather nasty venereal diseases? The Bishop can imagine - Doctor: 'I'm afraid you have a very nasty case of DIUS. I'm very sorry, but there is no hope of a cure...']

DCSF is, of course, also responsible for a wide range of nonsensical Government policies, e.g. parents being sent to prison for smacking their children, PC nonsense which is leading to the closure of Catholic Adoption Agencies, social workers being sent to middle-class homes so as not to 'penalise' the underclass, etc. And, last but not least, the fiction that academic and vocational courses can be brought onto a 'level playing field' if you call them both a 'Diploma'. [Why can't we restore A Levels to the gold standard that they once were, and put much of the money wasted by Gordon the Moron into a decent system combining apprenticeships and formal education for non-academic kids from 14 onwards? Would that really be too hard? Really?!]

That is why the Bishop is nominating the entire staff at the 'DCSF' for the award of Wanker of the Week. To be honest, 'wanker' is hardly enough for a bunch of Commie twats that are literally wrecking the life chances of a large number of kids. But the Bishop has no power to do anything else (other than pray, of course - never discount the power of prayer!), so this is his small contribution... :(


BB

Wanker of the Week

The Bishop has found a candidate who has long deserved the accolade...

Step forward (hopefully into the line of sight of a very accurate sniper)... Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela.

This article in last week's edition of The Economist (yes, I know it's a bit out of date, but there can be only one wanker of the week, and Chavez has long-merited the award...) highlights further details long since suspected by those who view Mr Chavez - lauded by London's ex-Mayor, Ken 'I'm not an alcoholic, honest guv' Livingslime - as third only behind Robert Mugabe and Kim Jong Il as a totally irredeemable cunt of the highest order. Namely, that he has been providing financial and other support to a terrorist organisation, the FARC, operating in Colombia (which apparently deserves the resulting terror because its citizens have the gall to vote for - and re-elect - a mildly right-wing President on the obviously unsound basis that he has made the country safer from the FARC).

Now the FARC are a lovely bunch. For a long while, they made Colombia one of the most dangerous places in the world. Kidnappings, murder, etc. - you name it, they've done it. All in the name of an ideology that has shown itself to be entirely bankrupt, morally, economically, environmentally (ironically for all the left-wing twats that sympathise with it - remember the pollution in East Germany, Mr Livingslime?*), etc.

And, as Venezuela experiences the joys of inflation and spends its windfall oil income on arms from Russia and the 'poor' of London (obviously very poor compared to the poor of Venezuela...), its Government has been providing support to these wonderful members of FARC. It also appears that support, of a kind, has been provided by Sen. Chavez' co-'revolutionaries' in Equador. And then both countries have the nerve to criticise Colombia for killing FARC leaders who are based in Equador, mobilising troops and threatening war!

Hugo Chavez - wanker of the week. 'Nuff said.

BB

*This merely illustrates that the environmental bandwagon which the lefties have jumped on is a rather convenient 'truth' - they have failed to impose their will on us in the West by democratic means or by showing that it works, and will now try to take us back to the Dark Ages by this means. Not that I think that there is no possibility that 'Climate Change' is happening, simply that I am not convinced that it is entirely man-made, nor that the proposed solutions are the right ones. But that's for another rant... In fact, DK does it better than I ever could...

Wanker of the Week

Dear Reader,

Yes, it's that time of the week again when the Bishop has to decide which of the cretins in the news deserves the award of Wanker of the Week...

With a hat-tip to an anonymous contributor on Order-Order, this week's wanker is....

The policeman who told a motorist to remove an England flag from his car 'because it might offend immigrants'.

Now, the Bishop can understand the police not being happy if a flag is placed in a position where it might obscure the view of the driver. And he is well aware of the risk that someone with an Engerrland flag hanging from their car might be a semi-literate chav who thinks it is funny to spit at 'foreigners' via the car window (which they, amusingly, forget to wind down - except when they've got shite 'techno' music blaring out to show just how 'hard' and 'wiv it' they are).

This chap may be a chav. But he simply had a flag draped over some speakers in the back of his car (OK, so he may well be one of those twats that blasts 'techno' out of his car). And that's hardly something worthy of police attention, given the level of real crime in this country.

What kind of fucking bullshit is this? If it were a Pakistan flag or an Indian one, or a Polish one, would that have happened? Errr.... the Bishop will leave you to answer that one.

What it is is yet another example of the politicisation of the police - and wider public services - over the last 11 years: whilst it is good if people become genuinely less xenophobic, homophobic, and all the other 'phobics' - the Bishop, like any sane person, wants to live in a free society - this is heavy-handed thought policing of the style so-beloved of useless bureautwats like Lady Ian Blair.

Talking of Lady Ian - Boris: when are you going to ask him to fuck off, errr... I mean resign?


BB

Wanker of the Week*

Dear Reader

In response to your insatiable demand, I have deigned to write another post. Well, actually, I've been enjoying Craggy Island's unseasonably pleasant weather, which will no doubt end tomorrow, and so I haven't been arsed to post recently...

But I've been catapulted into action by this press release from the National Farmers Greedy Fuckers Union.

Now, my Reader may have assumed from some of my rantings elsewhere in the Blogosphere - and, of course, the LPUK link on this blog - that I am not a big fan of the current administration. But it is hard to disagree with the Chancellor's arguments on the EU's 'Common Agricultural Policy', or CAP - otherwise known as the 'Transfer from Britain, the Netherlands and Germany to France and other Thieving Southern European Scum Policy' - as set out in yesterday's FT...

Unless, of course, you are a complete and utter CUNT.

Do you support screwing over developing country farmers, and, indeed, stopping any rural development in those countries? Do you support screwing over consumers by making them pay over the odds for food, whilst at the same time making them pay for vast subsidies to farmers through their taxes. Do you support making sure that the vast majority of those subsidies go to farmers who are already rather wealthy - i.e. making a regressive transfer from the productive

The Bishop's new - and unexpected - hero: Sam the Eagle

middle class to unproductive greedy fuckers (the poor don't actually pay as they live on welfare anyway, so the extra cost to them is really another tax on the middle class)?

You do?! Then you must support the CAP. And ergo you are a CUNT: Cap-supporting, useless, nob-eating tosser.

Now, the GFU press release tries to pretend that it is in favour of CAP reform. As do its friends in Defra. But they don't really support reform - hence their press release. What they want is for their Friends in France to do their dirty work for them. And therefore the UK Government, including Sam the Eagle, must not do anything to make the French think that there is actually a demand for real reform of the CAP, as opposed to posturing to keep the British electorate happy that 'we would like to reform it, we really would, but those Bastard Frogs won't let us'. That would never do!

Of course the GFU likes the CAP - hence the wish for 'gradual' reform, i.e. no reform. That is why it is full of CUNTs.

That means you, GFU President Peter Kendall. You are truly a wanker.

And that is why I am proposing you as the inaugural Wanker of the Week.

Congratu-fucking-lations. Now - time to celebrate - go hang yourself from that fucking tree in your farmyard, you gobshite, you pinprick, you... oh just go to Hell.

God bless you for listening, dear Reader. Now, where's that glass of communion wine...

BB

*With apologies to that shite late-night Channel 4 show of a few years ago that had a similar prize. I couldn't be arsed to make up a new one...