Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Wanker of the Week*

Dear Reader

In response to your insatiable demand, I have deigned to write another post. Well, actually, I've been enjoying Craggy Island's unseasonably pleasant weather, which will no doubt end tomorrow, and so I haven't been arsed to post recently...
But I've been catapulted into action by this press release from the National Farmers Greedy Fuckers Union.
Now, my Reader may have assumed from some of my rantings elsewhere in the Blogosphere - and, of course, the LPUK link on this blog - that I am not a big fan of the current administration. But it is hard to disagree with the Chancellor's arguments on the EU's 'Common Agricultural Policy', or CAP - otherwise known as the 'Transfer from Britain, the Netherlands and Germany to France and other Thieving Southern European Scum Policy' - as set out in yesterday's FT...
Unless, of course, you are a complete and utter CUNT.

Do you support screwing over developing country farmers, and, indeed, stopping any rural development in those countries? Do you support screwing over consumers by making them pay over the odds for food, whilst at the same time making them pay for vast subsidies to farmers through their taxes. Do you support making sure that the vast majority of those subsidies go to farmers who are already rather wealthy - i.e. making a regressive transfer from the productive

The Bishop's new - and unexpected - hero: Sam the Eagle

middle class to unproductive greedy fuckers (the poor don't actually pay as they live on welfare anyway, so the extra cost to them is really another tax on the middle class)?
You do?! Then you must support the CAP. And ergo you are a CUNT: Cap-supporting, useless, nob-eating tosser.

Now, the GFU press release tries to pretend that it is in favour of CAP reform. As do its friends in Defra. But they don't really support reform - hence their press release. What they want is for their Friends in France to do their dirty work for them. And therefore the UK Government, including Sam the Eagle, must not do anything to make the French think that there is actually a demand for real reform of the CAP, as opposed to posturing to keep the British electorate happy that 'we would like to reform it, we really would, but those Bastard Frogs won't let us'. That would never do!

Of course the GFU likes the CAP - hence the wish for 'gradual' reform, i.e. no reform. That is why it is full of CUNTs.

That means you, GFU President Peter Kendall. You are truly a wanker.

And that is why I am proposing you as the inaugural Wanker of the Week.

Congratu-fucking-lations. Now - time to celebrate - go hang yourself from that fucking tree in your farmyard, you gobshite, you pinprick, you... oh just go to Hell.

God bless you for listening, dear Reader. Now, where's that glass of communion wine...

*With apologies to that shite late-night Channel 4 show of a few years ago that had a similar prize. I couldn't be arsed to make up a new one...

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