Review of the Week

Dear Reader,

Well, it's been an exciting, Progressive week, hasn't it?

First, that well-known hero of Women's Rights, Teddy Kennedy, has been given a life peerage - as Prime Minister Gordon Brown so eloquently explained, 'After all, if Lord Ashcroft can be a peer, why not an American who share's New Labour's values*?' Lord Kennedy of Chappaquiddick will take up his seat immediately.

Second, following the disgraceful treatment of Lord Ahmed of Tub, his supporters have received assurances from the Secretary of State for Sharia Law and Justice, Abdullah Islam (formerly Jack Straw), that Muslims will only be tried by fellow Muslims, that the word of a non-Muslim will be valued at less than that of a Muslim in future court cases, and that the Muslim Parliament will henceforth be given a right to pass new legislation without clearance by the House of Commons and the House of Lords, as well as a veto on any new laws emenating from those institutions.

Mr Islam (Straw) pointed out that, 'We in Britain have a long track record** of capitulating to, I mean protecting Minorities, and this new step demonstrates just how progressive we are. I, for one, welcome our new Islamic overlords.' Osama Bin Laden, speaking from his Islamic (formerly Royal) Air Force jet en route from Pakistan to take up his new position as Speaker / Leader of the Muslim Parliament and Supreme Ruler of the United Caliphate (formerly United Kingdom), said, 'I welcome the recognition of the rightness of my Cause from my brothers in the United Caliphate Labour Party. Allah willing, I will be taking it up the arse from Peter Mandelson this very evening, I mean, I'm not a closet homosexual at all, I will be receiving a delegation led by Peter Mandelson later this evening. I have ordered an immediate nuclear strike on Denmark and the Netherlands, for the disgraceful actions of their cartoonists and Geert Wilders respectively.' The Supreme Leader also welcomed the appointment of Lord Kennedy to the House of Lords, saying, 'He shares my attitude towards - and valuation of - women'.

The third great triumph of the week, following the disgraceful and outrageous attack on Peter Mandelson (now known as Nancia Marrakecha) on Friday, was the back passage of emergency legislation to allow for the summary execution, without trial and on the orders of a Minister or ACPO, of anyone who embarrasses important government figures, whether they be officials from the Office of National Statistics, or so-called 'environmentalists' (who could be greener than our New Labour Government?!) who throw things at Ministers. Announcing the latest law, newly Burqua'ed Home Secretary, Islama Fascista (formerly Jacqui Smith) said, 'We will be tough on slime, tough on the causes of slime'.

All Hail the Masters of the United Caliphate of Great Britain and Northern Ireland! All Hail Allah and his Prophet Mohammed!
All Hail his servants, Lord Ahmed of Tub, Lord Kennedy of Chappaquiddick, Abdullah Islam / Jack Straw and Islama Fascista / Jacqui Smith!



*No, that does not mean corruption, John Prescott levels of gluttony, and 'all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others'. Anyone suggesting this will receive a friendly visit from a delegation of 10,000 of Lord Ahmed's closest friends.

** i.e. about 11 years

Fancy a Holiday? Got no money? Try stabbing someone!

Or, if that's a little too strong for you, how about a little petty theft?*

Very interesting article in today's Sun:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/justice/article946362.ece

Now, whilst the Bishop doesn't really like the Sun much - it tends towards the simplistic, although not so much as the Mirror - he does approve of their view about prisons: a small number of criminals commit the vast majority of crimes, ergo locking up criminals prevents crime, as they aren't in the 'community'** to commit more crimes.

But, of course, the flaw in that logic is that prisons are not exactly unpleasant places to be, as the article suggests. This reinforces the story that my friend who runs the local Chippie told me last week, about his friend who is 'inside' for a little 'drunk and disorderly' - astonishing that anyone could be locked up for that these days: must have been really unlucky with the magistrate he got that day :) - and phoned him from his mobile phone to tell him what fun he has been having playing Playstation and the odd game of football with the other inmates.

Jack Straw says that it is unpleasant having a toilet in the corner of a room that you can't leave. To the Bishop, however, it sounds like a "young person's" dream - they never have to leave their room (sounds like a typical teenager to me...), get meals brought to them (better than Mum's! And they're unlikely to be forced to eat vegetables...), and can continue to play their favourite (violent) video game or watch the football on Sky even when they are on the shitter...


*Of course, this wouldn't actually get you a prison sentence in England. If you aren't capable of violence, may I suggest a homophobic insult, or a suggestion that Islam might not be a very nice religion? Should get you life without parole...

** I would be grateful if anyone could tell me where the fashion for talking about 'community' (worse than 'society' - the Bishop is a fan of Hayek) came from. All too PC for my taste...