Monday, 13 April 2009

Of McBride & Other Morons...

Mrs Brennan is studying Eugenics at the moment. Fascinating stuff - and it made me aware of the cultural influence against Eugenics to which I have been subjected. My immediate reaction was along the lines of, 'Hitler was into that, it's been associated with racism....'. And nerds like me have, of course, seen Gattaca, which was quite scary - because genes are only part of the story, and can never be used to predict what a person is.

Except intelligence is highly genetic... and, in practice, a combination of genetically-inherited idiocy and an upbringing by parental idiots seems to be a strong predictor of who provides the 'entertainment' for the police on a Friday and Saturday night...

Anyway... It turns out that 'moron', 'imbecile' and 'idiot' are technical terms, with specific meanings attached to each:

An idiot has an IQ of 0-25.
An imbecile has an IQ of 26-50.
Whilst a moron has an IQ of 51-75 (though some say up to 80). Apparently, these were considered the most dangerous, as they were more likely than idiots and imbeciles to reproduce, and thus damage the gene pool (see Inspector Gadget blog - including the link above - to see the results of state-sponsorship for morons...).

Well, the events of this joyous Easter weekend got me thinking about how we might modernise these terms, which have simply, of course, become random terms of abuse today...

A 'Draper' could be used instead of 'idiot' - quite simply because everyone can see that this is exactly what he is.
A 'McBride' could be an 'imbecile' - because he's not quite so obviously stupid, until, that is, he uses a No.10 computer / internet link to send defamatory emails to fellow McBrides and Drapers.
And a 'Toynbee' could be used as the modern term for 'moron' - because Toynbees are the most dangerous, getting widespread coverage on the BBC and in moronic 'newspapers' for her equally moronic views, and therefore risking severe mental damage to the wider population.

Saturday, 4 April 2009

Australian PM Rudd takes lead in new fiscal stimulus

Following this week's G20 meeting, Australian PM Kevin Rudd has already shown his willingness to follow Gordon Brown's lead in stimulating the economy by throwing mobile phones and other objects at his staff, requiring the purchase of their replacement, thereby providing a much-needed demand boost to the economy.

Mr Rudd's new spokesman, Alastair Campbell, pointed out that, 'Throwing items such as mobile phones and chairs at civil servants is just Kevin's way of joking around. And even if they did require counselling afterwards, that will also help stimulate the economy.

'If you report anything other than this official line, you'll end up like David Kelly.'

Reports from ex-staffers that Mr Rudd's behaviour could be explained by the fact that he had caught a rare virus from Mr Brown - who has exhibited behaviours similar to those of Mr Rudd, including telephoning officials at all times of the night and having violent temper tantrums, as well as throwing objects at people - known as socialistus mentalis psycho-sociopathus (SMPS) were dismissed by Mr Campbell, who pointed out that, 'I'm a pretty sane kind of guy, and I'm sure I would have noticed any abnormal behaviour on the part of Kevin, or, indeed, Gordon, who is, of course, one of my closest friends.'

Denying reports that he had deliberately passed on the SMPS virus to Mr Rudd, Gordon Brown said, 'We announced at the G20 that we would launch a fiscal stimulus, and Kevin Rudd is doing just that. The fact that Kevin Rudd is following the lead taken by the Labour Government in Great Britain just goes to show how far the do-nothing-Tories are outside the consensus of world opinion in dealing with the downturn.

'With the leaders of all G20 countries following my lead and breaking mobile phones, computer keyboards and chairs at least once a day, we will soon reach the $1.1 trillion stimulus promised in London on Thursday.'

Shares of Nokia, Motorola and LG rose sharply in trading today, following Mr Brown's comments.

Medical note: The SMPS virus

The SMPS virus is normally transmitted sexually, usually through unprotected anal intercourse. However, it can also (rarely) be transmitted via contaminated toilet seats. Mr Rudd is known to partake of an unusual practice, known as 'driving the porcelain bus' on occasions, usually after eating food at sporting events. It is possible he could have caught the SMPS virus after sharing a bathroom with Mr Brown at the G20 event.

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

NHS to offer new 'Polly Pill'

Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced today that the new Polly Pill, revealed 'exclusively' on the Al-Jabeeba website this week, will be made available immediately on the NHS, on a compulsory basis, to all voters citizens, despite concerns about side-effects.

The Chancellor One-eyed Scottish cunt Prime Minister said, 'Ve have been looking for vays of making you pork, I mean, we have been looking for ways to neutralise opposition and ensure the re-election of a National Socialist Labour government, and this is perfect. It will not benefit hard-working families throughout the Socialist Republic of Scotland the UK.

Named after legendary Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee, once the new Polly Pill has been taken, the patient immediately begins to spout left-wing bollocks reasonable, 'liberal' views, and will immediately believe everything that Gordon Brown says, including the delusion obvious point that he is the Saviour of the World, John the Baptist to Barack Obama's Jesus.

Concerns about side-effects - including allegations of the development of SHS (Severe Hypocrisy Syndrome), usually involving earning large sums of money for writing bollocks whilst pretending to represent 'the poor', and taking regular flights to a second home abroad whilst condemning those who fly abroad for their one holiday a year for causing global warming - have been dismissed by those close to the Prime Minister, who point out that the Polly Pill is believed to reduce the incidence of Conservative voting by as much as 50%, and that, therefore, the benefits hugely outweigh any risks.