Review of the Week

Dear Reader,

Well, it's been an exciting, Progressive week, hasn't it?

First, that well-known hero of Women's Rights, Teddy Kennedy, has been given a life peerage - as Prime Minister Gordon Brown so eloquently explained, 'After all, if Lord Ashcroft can be a peer, why not an American who share's New Labour's values*?' Lord Kennedy of Chappaquiddick will take up his seat immediately.

Second, following the disgraceful treatment of Lord Ahmed of Tub, his supporters have received assurances from the Secretary of State for Sharia Law and Justice, Abdullah Islam (formerly Jack Straw), that Muslims will only be tried by fellow Muslims, that the word of a non-Muslim will be valued at less than that of a Muslim in future court cases, and that the Muslim Parliament will henceforth be given a right to pass new legislation without clearance by the House of Commons and the House of Lords, as well as a veto on any new laws emenating from those institutions.

Mr Islam (Straw) pointed out that, 'We in Britain have a long track record** of capitulating to, I mean protecting Minorities, and this new step demonstrates just how progressive we are. I, for one, welcome our new Islamic overlords.' Osama Bin Laden, speaking from his Islamic (formerly Royal) Air Force jet en route from Pakistan to take up his new position as Speaker / Leader of the Muslim Parliament and Supreme Ruler of the United Caliphate (formerly United Kingdom), said, 'I welcome the recognition of the rightness of my Cause from my brothers in the United Caliphate Labour Party. Allah willing, I will be taking it up the arse from Peter Mandelson this very evening, I mean, I'm not a closet homosexual at all, I will be receiving a delegation led by Peter Mandelson later this evening. I have ordered an immediate nuclear strike on Denmark and the Netherlands, for the disgraceful actions of their cartoonists and Geert Wilders respectively.' The Supreme Leader also welcomed the appointment of Lord Kennedy to the House of Lords, saying, 'He shares my attitude towards - and valuation of - women'.

The third great triumph of the week, following the disgraceful and outrageous attack on Peter Mandelson (now known as Nancia Marrakecha) on Friday, was the back passage of emergency legislation to allow for the summary execution, without trial and on the orders of a Minister or ACPO, of anyone who embarrasses important government figures, whether they be officials from the Office of National Statistics, or so-called 'environmentalists' (who could be greener than our New Labour Government?!) who throw things at Ministers. Announcing the latest law, newly Burqua'ed Home Secretary, Islama Fascista (formerly Jacqui Smith) said, 'We will be tough on slime, tough on the causes of slime'.

All Hail the Masters of the United Caliphate of Great Britain and Northern Ireland! All Hail Allah and his Prophet Mohammed!
All Hail his servants, Lord Ahmed of Tub, Lord Kennedy of Chappaquiddick, Abdullah Islam / Jack Straw and Islama Fascista / Jacqui Smith!



*No, that does not mean corruption, John Prescott levels of gluttony, and 'all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others'. Anyone suggesting this will receive a friendly visit from a delegation of 10,000 of Lord Ahmed's closest friends.

** i.e. about 11 years

Nuts!

Old Holborn has drawn this fat bitch to my attention.

This isn't the first time I've heard a black person refer to another as a 'coconut' - it's usually reserved for people who aspire to middle-class things, like a house in a good area, a good education for their kids, etc.

Demonstrating ignorance beyond belief.

Well, OH's respondents have said most of it. But I would draw out 2 points:

- Why is it acceptable for black people to be racist - attacking values, etc. that are apparently 'white'? Why the double standards? Anyone? Draper? Harperson? Our friends at the BBC?
- I thought national politicians were stupid, but this one takes the biscuit. How do we devolve powers to local government with this shower of shite in line to wield them?

Letter to the Stasi

Dear Jacqui,

Forgive me for writing to you twice - I felt that it was important to write to you at both of your addresses, as it is not clear to me which is your main residence.

Following the recent decision to bar Geert Wilders from the UK, I felt it necessary to warn you of the risks of creating disturbances in other communities of certain Government actions. Clearly, on receipt of this information, you will feel compelled to act, as you have done following Lord Ahmed's intervention in the Wilders case.

First, any decision to allow any Muslim preacher into the UK will result in a delegation of at least 10,000 Christians, Hindus, Jews, agnostics, atheists and Jedi marching on whichever of your addresses you are at at the time. I therefore respectfully request that you do not allow any Muslim preachers into the UK.

Second, any decision of Gordon Brown not to resign and call an immediate election will result in the same delegation marching on Downing St. Again, I therefore respectfully suggest that the Prime Mentalist resign forthwith, with a general election to follow immediately.

Third, any decision not to tell the European Court of Human 'Rights' to go forth and multiply over the case of Abu Qatada, and a failure to deport him immediately will result in the same delegation marching on the prison where he is being held and holding an impromptu hanging, with similar sized delegations (for similar purposes) marching on the Home Office and both of your residences.

Fourth, failure to prosecute members of the Labour Party for outright fraud (most notably yourself, the Cooper-Balls household, Ken Livingstone, Lee Jasper, members of the House of Lords who have been taking bribes in return for amending laws - in fact, the list seems to be endless) will result in a similar delegation marching on Parliament.

Yours faithfully,


Bishop Brennan

PS I have just been told that the right to march on Parliament and break the law is one that is reserved solely for Muslims, with additional rights reserved for those who have killed someone by reading / sending text messages whilst driving. Apologies for my error in believing that all UK citizens were equal before the law.

Modern English usage, part viii (cont)

The Derek Draper nonsense this week has reminded me of just how, ahem, 'far' the language of Milton and Shakespeare has come in just 11 years of the Moron, Harperson, et al.

Anyway, I thought it might be important to start to record these momentous changes for posterity:

'Racist' - Anyone who disagrees with a socialist.

'Liberal' - A socialist, usually self-important, with the Guardian rolled up and stuffed up her ass (NB note the avoidance of any assumption that the Liberal is male).

'A good service' - The usual crappy level of service offered by the London Undergroud.

'Hard-working families' - Chavs who vote Labour (assuming they are allowed to vote; sadly, many 13-15 year olds are disenfranchised, something that the Party must sort out as soon as possible). Usually used to support the idea that anyone who is single cannot possibly work hard, and therefore must pay what used to be regarded (laughably, of course) as penal levels of taxation.

'White, anglo-saxon male' - repressor; bastard; value-less, someone that a Muslim (qv) may kill without punishment.

'White, anglo-saxon female' - object of the repression and bastardry meted out by the white anglo-saxon male (qv). Nonetheless, may be used for the sexual gratification of a Muslim without punishment.

'Tory' - Evil, must be stopped from gaining power at all costs, even if it means abandoning any pretence at democracy in the UK.

'School' - place where children from poor backgrounds must be pandered to at all costs, as part of the wider reach of the State. Anyone who suggests that school should be a place of learning a) has clearly not been near one in 20 years, and b) should be locked up, given their potential to harm themselves and Society (NB there is such a thing as Society, and it can be personalised, so can think, feel, be harmed, etc.).

'Social worker' - a state employee who should be given even more power, despite all the evidence that they should have very limited powers (Baby Peter, etc.).

'Muslim' - a member of society who has more rights than other people, including the right not to be offended; should this right be breached, Muslims have the right to call for the death of the person causing the offence, to blockade Parliament and, ultimately, to take over the country.

'The NHS' - the official religion of the UK, the only thing held in higher esteem than Islam. No-one may criticise the NHS or suggest that it is a waste of money; punishment is to be told that 'you obviously support the US health system, where 40m people don't have any healthcare, you eeeeeevil Tory (qv), you'. And to be sent to a re-education camp.

'Politician' - cunt (common usage, punishable by death); a selfless public servant, provided that they are a liberal (qv). If a Tory, then common usage applies (without threat of death).

'MP' - person entitled to enrich themselves at the expense of taxpayers; not to be held to account for any expense claims or to have applied to them standards that are usual for mere mortals.

'Minister' - like MP, except even less accountable. Not to be questioned under any circumstances.

'America' - the source of all things bad. Though no longer, now that George W Bush has departed, to be replaced by Barack Obama (qv).

'Depression' - a word that the Prime Minister only ever uses by accident.

'Barack Obama' - the Messiah, who will save us all, banish poverty, solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, bring world peace and usher in a Golden Age, the like of which has never been seen before.

'Gordon Brown' - the Messiah, who has already saved the world; John the Baptist to Obama's Jesus.

'Courage' - disappearing whenever a problem arises; blaming others when this is not possible.

'Tony Blair' - formerly thought to be the Messiah, now shown to simply have been 'a very naughty boy'.

'Grammar' - a device used by the eeeevil middle- and upper-classes to repress the working masses; used to describe schools which took the brightest working class children and co-opted them into the System.

'Politically impartial' - Allowed to occasionally criticise the Labour Party, provided this is counter-balanced by a worse example on the part of the Tories (qv).

'Criminal' - Any member of the middle classes who drives above the speed limit. No longer applies to anyone who was brought up by a single parent / in a 'low-income' (qv) family / from an ethnic minority / etc. who commits murder / rape / theft / etc. They cannot be criminals because it is not their fault that they do these things, but the fault of the System.

'Low-income' - anyone whose income is less than £100,000 a year, unless they come from a middle-class family with two heterosexual parents who love each other.


I'm sure you have many more - perhaps we ought to start a New New Labour dictionary website?

Comment of the week - April 2008...

Dear Reader,

Apologies for the non-existent blogging - the Angel of Pestilence has been visiting the Brennan household. Only my hamster died, so it's not so bad (although R****** G*** is a bit upset, especially as F****** S*** ate it...).

Anyway, gave me a chance to visit an old friend, aka the Beast. Although he hasn't posted recently (other than on Guido's comments, I was revisiting a classic sick / funny post about the disabled. Personally, I think it's a sign of civilisation when we support the disabled to be productive members of society. But I have to agree with Leg-Iron for this comment, which I think is self-explanatory - and deserves a wider airing:

Most of the disabled are only helpless because people tell them they're helpless. There is a big difference, never stated because it's not PC, between 'disabled' and 'useless'.

To any of those who say 'Oh, I'm disabled, you must feel sorry for me and look after me for the rest of my days because I'm unable to do anything for myself', I have one name to drop.

Stephen Hawking.

He's the most severely disabled person I've ever seen, and he's also the most brilliant scientist in the country. No benefit-scrounging for this guy, he makes all the money he needs through his own efforts.

If you're happy to sit back and live off benefits for the rest of your life, it's not because you're disabled.

It's because you're useless. Wallowing in self-pity is not a viable career choice.

I blame the PC crowd. They love to make people feel dependent. Gives them a steady stream of saps to partonise.

His posts on Old Holborn aren't bad either...