Anal Retention

Another wonderful day for the Bishop at the Diocesan Council...

The Bishop has been informed that, from now on, a 'clear desk' policy will apply. Given the Council's archaic methods for locking papers away, this means that the Bishop will be forced to go into its deep underground vaults to retrieve all papers, ranging from his doodlings during 3 hour meetings to his musings on the latest theological journals, to his thoughts for next Sunday's sermon.

Now, the Bishop understands that, when he is writing a speech for the Cardinal, or when he is drafting a Sunday sermon on ecumenical relations for the Archbishop, he needs to lock it away, lest it end up in the hands of the Tablet before it is released.

But he does not understand why anything else needs to be subject to Top Secret procedures (although he is led to believe that the Scientologists across the road won't even allow doodles to be left out - apparently even these are 'sensitive, but unclassified').

Unfortunately, the Head of Security at the Diocesan Council - let's call him Woody Woodpecker, not least given that he is as annoying as the irritating cartoon character - obviously has a problem with anyone who does not share his fascination with filing. The anal 'pecker clearly had to ruin the Bishop's day by forcing his stamp-collecting views on everyone else...

Whilst this is symptomatic of wider problems at the Council - which tends to promote automaton types who demonstrate strict adherence to orthodox theology, rather than demonstrating any true connection with Our Lord or any ability to empathise with the daily challenges faced by the faithful - the Bishop had hoped that a possible future change at the Vatican might - just - lead to some changes. Tonight, however, the Bishop is losing hope that such change will happen in time, before any clergy capable of relating to those they serve are forced to abandon their Faith...

The Bishop will be meditating on the Meaning of Gethsemane tonight...